


Larger

by Kopfchaot



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-06
Packaged: 2018-01-14 18:57:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1277311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kopfchaot/pseuds/Kopfchaot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You’re 22 and you’ve just left uni behind you; the world lies at your feet. (That’s what you thought.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Larger

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Größer](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/39124) by Kopfchaot. 



> This work is a translation of my originally German fic 'Größer'; it is the first time I've translated a fic, so, uhm. Yeah. Don't be gentle.

_In your life you were larger than this  
Statue, statuesque_

\- Bloc Party

 

* * *

 

 

You’re 22 and you’ve just left uni behind you; the world lies at your feet. (That’s what you thought. Or think. In the end all you’ve got is an empty flat and a bed that feels cold when you go to sleep at night.)

 

You’ve once felt large (and you know: one day you’ll feel even larger), but now you start your car and press down the accelerator and no matter how fast you go, you can’t break through the wall that’s appeared between you and the world seemingly over night (secretly you know that time will turn it into dust).

 

It’s never been open for debate with your father, and if you’re being honest with yourself, it hasn’t been with you either: you’ll graduate and you’ll go to uni and then you’ll start working in his business. And someday, when your father has lost the ability to stay upright in his chair and you fight off burnout on a daily basis because you wouldn’t be able to stand the look on his face – then you’ll take his place and you’ll take over the company.  
You’ve never questioned it; it’s a safe future. A future you’ve been prepared for all your life and a future where you’ll shine.

 

 

The first time you question it is when you meet Gwen and fall in love; fall for her smile and her clumsy tongue and her ideals (you’ve got ideals, too, and they burn in your blood and they burn with every step you take, but they’re not burning in your future). Gwen loves Lancelot and most of all life; you’re a fighter (a warrior, one might say), but this is a fight you cannot win.

 

In the early days of your acquaintance you think: _It’s her._  
You don’t know how long you’ve known, but you know that something is missing. A black hole that is surrounded by the fire of your ideals, something that will ignite the inferno.  
You think, _it’s her_ , and maybe she is, but not for you (as soon as you realize that, it’s easy to give her up; as easy as giving up will ever be)(it makes it better and worse that Gwen and Lancelot are perfect for each other).

 

 

You’re 22 and you’ve just left uni behind you; in theory, the world lies at your feet, but you float above the ground without an anchor (because suddenly there are doubts that gnaw at your chains; doubts that bite and claw) and something’s _missing_ , but you’re as safe and sound as one can be at 22. Most of all, you’re dead set on finding your way and place, without that something (without that somebody).

 

 

In the end you look for your place at your father’s side, because you wouldn’t be able to stand the look on his face. You know what you’re getting yourself into and everything turns out the way it is supposed to. It’s safe and you know your way around - you shine like the glass facades of your office buildings.

 

You’re 30 and you live in safety and in the fast lane (your heart’s still beating, too, you just don’t notice as often as you used to).

 

Sometimes you think about Gwen and Lancelot (it’s been a while since you last saw them), about that somebody that’s missing (there’s whispers of a shared past) and about the ideals that you used to have (still have). You’re not the person you could be but you try not to think about it too often or too hard.

 

 

Until you can’t not think about it anymore.

 

You remember spring days full of confidence and you remember the fire in your blood and the burn in your steps (the possibility of an inferno). You think: _What if it’s too late?_

But you’re a fighter and in the end it’s not so hard to endure the look on your father’s face (or at least that’s what you tell yourself).

 

 

You finally find your place in a lawyer’s office, working for people that no one else wants to work for (you don’t do it out of pity or to indulge your conscience, but because you’re human and because you’re strong and convincing). You heart is beating and quivering and burning for your work and what keeps you safely on the ground is an anchor instead of chains.

When you meet Merlin you’re endlessly grateful for having found your place and your fire, because he sparks the inferno (and weak knees and a rapid heartbeat and dizziness).

 

 

You’re 34 and you’ve found your place and you let Merlin whirl you through life; the world lies at your feet and you get larger every day.

 


End file.
